Imagine feeling like you have lost control and it does not matter which way you turn you see no way out…
I know how it feels and as I tell you my story from my very first mental health admission I hope that if you too are feeling this way you take that first step and reach out because it will be the bravest thing you ever do and such a big step in your journey that you will begin to believe again.
Believe me I have been there!!
So here I am in a unit with two doctors (shrinks) sitting in front of me asking me questions that I didn’t have to think about.
My husband was sitting next me on a couch. I will never forget that couch because it was solid and rough to touch. I was running my hands down my legs and the sweat in my palms was beginning to build.
Suddenly I think it was real and I was rethinking my previous steps considering 2 hours prior to this moment I was sitting in a room all alone waiting for my husband to arrive after the GP had called him.
Anna-Leigh was in a hospital glass cot next to us and she was peacefully sleeping after a nurse in the emergency department took her for a little walk and got her to sleep.
And then bam…
I’m admitted into a cold dreary room with curved taps. Not a handle in sight or a window. The nurse came into check my paperwork and said that Anna-Leigh would be going home with daddy as it was the safest option for everyone.
I was laying there on the bed and I looked at my husband. His eyes told me everything and from that point I knew he was also scared just like me. He didn’t know what was next and then we both cried together.
We said goodnight and it was about 7 pm at that point and I was extremely tired. I climbed in to the cold hospital bed.
My biggest fear and question in my head was ” what had I done and when I wake up the children will be taken away from me”