My days are spent with a baby,
She is a baby! (How can it be that hard) My house is a mess, the bed hardly gets made, my washing is not done, my floors are not swept, (The Hoover blew up) my hubby goes and gets the groceries my hair well that just does whatever and my clothes are what ever fits these days!
Sometimes I’m lucky to get a shower amongst all the chaos…
I have a toddler who craves my attention so much it’s breaking my heart and all I want is my family in the uk
AND lately I’ve been just trying to stay the fuk on top of it all including my business and finally after 4 weeks of feeling like my little flame went out inside of me I am admitting to myself that I need to talk.
Because all you see is a woman , a mother , a wife who just keeps smiling and she looks like it’s all ok but it’s really not and on the inside she is slowly crumbling.
I don’t really care what people think and my heart has now allowed me to surrender and own I was scared to actually admit I was failing at motherhood the second time around and I was also afraid of the judgement it might come with as unfortunately there are people out there that do judge (not so nice) and this makes it really tough as a mum to know if your doing a good job.
Today I went to my GP finally and told myself it’s ok that I need this support and by doing this now I can get back the claire I miss so much.
My lesson from this week has been to truly own my feelings and sit in them rather than trying to hide them or block it.
The person I am like today as a mummy of two is not a happy one and although I love my children so much I’m no use to them like this and my road to recovery started when I took the first step yesterday.
My message to all mums out there is speak up, allow people in and don’t hide
So now your confused right? So was I back then and this was my Facebook post on April 13th 2018.
This was the day I realised I could not continue and my next blog post will explain exactly what happened on that day of the morning of 13th April 2018.